After a few days away in Colorado Springs for a documentary shoot, I returned home to Boulder and did what any responsible adult would do: restock the fridge.
My first stop? Safeway, or so I thought.
I’d forgotten the workers were on strike. A wall of determined picketers waved me off like I was a getaway driver in a heist movie. Not wanting to cross the line (morally or literally), I nodded respectfully and bailed.
Plan B? King Soopers. I rolled over to Glenwood Avenue, plotting my snack haul, when FLASH! I was blinded by the white light of shame.
Not a UFOnaut from a galaxy far, far, away.
Not enlightenment.
Not paparazzi.
Boulder’s photo radar caught me doing 31 in a 20 mph zone.
That’s Boulder for you … so scenic, so sneaky.
Now I’m awaiting the inevitable $75 love letter from the city. A crisp, high-def mugshot of me mid-speed, mid-blink, probably with my mouth agape and NPR on the radio. Can’t wait to frame it.
I admit, I’ve coasted through a stop sign or two. Maybe made a few rogue left turns when I considered arrows as “guidelines”. Justice has caught up to me with a flash bulb and a price tag.
Ironically, I saved $19 at King Soopers that day. I’m a coupon clipper. Now that I drive an Electric Vehicle, I don’t buy gas anymore. I didn’t see in the app that the City of Boulder was running any ticket forgiveness promotions.
Maybe I’ll ask if they’ll take my grocery rewards card as partial payment. I’ll pay my societal debt with a credit card that gives me 1.5 percent cash back – $1.13
Net, $54.87.
No good deed goes unpunished, I guess.
Busted for respecting a labor strike because I wanted to grab some Hostess Snowballs and a dozen eggs.
Do you think the City of Boulder accepts grocery points toward fines?
From now on, I’ll either stay home or wear sunglasses everywhere, just in case another flash is coming. That can’t be good. I’m at risk for glaucoma. Next time, I’ll remember to smile for the camera.
Next time, I might order delivery or start budgeting for “unexpected traffic fines” as a grocery expense category.
Moral of the story? If you’re shopping in Boulder, watch out for strikes, speed traps, and savings that cost you more than they’re worth.
If you have questions or comments, message my alter ego, Alan Bot. I learn more and more every day!
Subscribe to read my stories!
There’s a photo van often parked on the adjacent street to where I live. This street has a 20mph limit — and a downhill grade. I don’t press my gas pedal at all and yet I gather speed going downhill. I’ve gotten flashed. I have to use cruise control to keep it in check because god forbid I let myself think about anything or enjoy the music on the radio causing me to let up on my speedometer vigilance for half a second and find myself traveling at a “dangerous” 28mph. I go faster on my bicycle. I feel like I’m being targeted in my own neighborhood.
i’d rather be caught by radar than by a cop.